grumpy Grump

I don’t feel good, I’m grumpy, I’m going to start my period any second now and I’ve not slept yet.

The sinus pressure is killer, on top of the pressure is a headache from not having my glasses.  They were where they belonged one moment and gone the next, that was two weeks ago. It hurts to swallow and then there is the normal aches and pains that I have to deal with on a daily basis.  I’m back to cat napping and not getting any real sleep. 10 minutes here, an hour there. I can’t get comfortable on the old beat up mattress, I have muscle spasms through out my entire body that will wake me up with a jerk of crazy pain.   My left leg has started giving out on me again and my left hip has been hurting too. 

My house is one big trash heap, ok maybe not that bad. But it’s bad I promise you that. I can’t get the people that live in this house to barley do anything. Goddess forbid anyone do anything extra. Just because I “look” ok it must mean I am ok. I’m not being lazy, I really can’t do this stuff anymore.  My hands have gotten so weak I can’t even pick up a skillet with meat in it and drain it anymore.

My white cell count has been elevated and they can’t find out whats causing it. Maybe that’s part of the reason that I am doing so poorly, I dunno.

I’m tired of asking for help and not getting it. For years and years I just trudged along and never asked for help. I  worked through the pain. Well I can’t do that any more.

I feel as both my health and life are spiraling out of control. I’ve tried being positive but I’m just getting hit with to much negative. I look around the house and see the disarray and just want to ball.  I think it’s safe to say I’m officially depressed. 

I wish I could blog about a few other things that are going on in my life. But I fear it will cause a big drama fest. A few that are close to me know whats going on and I thank you for your support.