I did it!

I did it!!! I actual did something for myself.  I can’t remember the last time I did anything for myself, let alone did it with minimal guilt. 

I work on computers on the side for some extra cash. Nothing major just help with some programs and getting your pc to run smoother. Anyway..I’ve saved up to get my hair highlighted.  I should have gotten groceries with it, or bought something the kids needed. But I didn’t. I spent it on myself. While I do feel a little bad because I really should have done other things with that money. This was a very much needed something for me.

I called my Mom and had her make me an appt at the place she goes to and surprisingly they were able to get me in THAT day and in a few hours.  I debated back and forth. Should I really get it done, what if I need the money for something else?

I asked Liz to go with me for moral support and so I wouldn’t back out.  Thankfully she went. Turns out she had tanning minutes at the same place, and did some tanning while I got my hair done.  LOL, I didn’t even know she tanned. So anyway…… We get there and I sit in the chair told her what I wanted. Then the hairdresser proceeded to tell me how much she loved my cut, and that my natural color was so pretty. I was thinking maybe I shouldn’t do this. Maybe I should just get a trim and leave. After all I haven’t colored my hair in a whole lot of years and I’ve never had highlights.  But I sucked it up and let her do her thing. 

When it was all said and done I was so happy with the way my hair looked and I felt so good that I did something for me. I’m always doing for others and I just sit in the back with nothing. I normally only get a haircut once a year. Not because that’s what I want to do but because I feel bad that I’m spending money on myself. 

So without further ado here is a pic of the back of my hair and the front. Now the pics where taken in different rooms so the lighting is different. Also, I was very tired and no makeup so I look kind of scary. But I just had to show off my new hair!

I’ll take some more pics when I have make up on and post them probably on my facebook.

Oncologist

Two weeks ago I had an appt with my Oncologist. I had to see one of the partners since mine was on leave. I thought it was odd my normal oncologist was referring me to her partner during her absence considering I show no signs of cancer at the moment.  My way of thinking was there was no reason that I couldn’t of waited until Feb to see her when she came back from leave.

I arrived and  had to go to lab for blood work and a urine sample. I once again had a UTI this would make number 4 since June. Not good at all.  Anyway…I get my vitals taken and I had lost 10lbs but my blood pressure and pulse were up.  Maybe they were a little high because I was stressing big time over this visit. I had was on the verge of an anxiety attack. I just had this feeling……So I go back to the itty bitty room and wait for the doc. I’m litterly twiddling my thumbs and my stomach is in knots.  She comes in. A pretty, petite thing with a Russian accent. I had a really hard time understanding her. Partly because of my nerves and partly because of her accent.

I found out I have severe anemia and was put on Iron and Folic acid.  She wasn’t sure my body would absorb the pills because of my IBS.  If the pills don’t work then I have to go in for transfusions.  It’s either weekly or monthly I can’t remember which is which.

She also runs a immunoglobulin test on me. She says there is something wrong with my immune system and if the results come out like she thinks they will then again I will be getting transfusions. Either weekly or monthly. I’m thinking this one is monthly and the Iron one was weekly. I have a HUGE fear or receiving another person’s blood and I’m hoping upon hope that it won’t come to that. I was supposed to call the office last Friday for the results on that test. It’s now officially  weds and I haven’t called yet. I just don’t want to know right now.

Friday I have to give a urine sample to make sure my UTI is gone. If it is then I will be starting on a 6 month round of low dose antibiotics. If I still have it then another round of heavy duty antibiotics.

In the middle of Feb. I have to go in and do some routine blood work, partly to check my Iron levels. Not real sure what the rest are for. To be honest at this point I just don’t want to know. While it’s a good thing to take your health into your own hands, there comes a point where there is so much wrong and you just, or in this case “I” don’t want to deal it.

They’ve also once again adjusted my thyroid meds. It’s been a year in a half and I’m still not on the right dose. In all fairness I have lost 50lbs since I started on the meds and that might have something to do with it. Not real sure.

I have an appt in March to see my normal Oncologist since she’ll be back and I’m hoping this visit goes a bit better.

Where I’ve Been

visited 20 states (40%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

Blech

UGH! Here comes the sickness.

Here I am with a fever of 100F.

Here is Sophie. No fever but she’s got the stomach flu. Coming out of both ends.

I’m finding it really hard to keep the laundry up and doing everything that needs to be done.  Emma helped me with dinner. Finally just got it in the oven. She’s cleaning up the kitchen for me thank goodness. 

I really hope I don’t get the stomach flu.  I two doctor appts this week I can NOT miss and next week I have to get blood work.

The doc told me Friday there is something wrong with my immune system and I’m not even supposed to be around someone sick let alone having to take care of a sick child. But I’m the Mom so I do what I have to do. Sophie is feeling so miserable I feel badly for her. At least she’s not crying because her stomach hurts anymore.  Poor thing. I have her sipping on some sprite. Something about sprite and 7up always makes me feel a bit better when I’m sick. I need to get some gatorade for her.

For now everyone else is doing fine and I hope to keep it that way.  We’ve all had a rough winter with being sick but I think Sophie has had it worse. Poor thing seems to always be sick.

I promise I will get that blog about my doc visit soon. Who knows maybe even tonight if I can get a chance.

For now I’m gonna go try and relax while dinner is baking.

What the Snow!?

24 hours ago we were finally seeing grass and most of the snow was gone. Well, Mother Nature just couldn’t have grass showing in January in Iowa so she gave us a snow storm. Thankfully it’s just a small one. I think 4ins? The bad thing is there is supposed to be a bit of sleet moving in. Yuck. I would rather have a foot of snow then deal with any sort of ice.

If you look to the right you see a small bird feeder. Well that’s actually in a front of a flower bed. The wind is starting to pick up here a bit and we are getting some drifts since the snow is so light. Between the drifts and the ice we might be having a lot of fun trying to get anywhere.  The plow hasn’t been by yet but I’m not worried. I think today will be a good day to just stay in and watch a few movies.

Sarah is going through a phase. It’s a new one (just started yesterday) she doesn’t wanna wear clothes. She’s happy with just her diaper or some of the dress up clothes she got for xmas/birthday.  Speaking of diaper I vowed when she turned 3 we would potty training. Yeah the laugh was on me. She wants absolutely nothing to do with potty training.  I tried for a day and she just didn’t want to do it.  I’m going to keep trying off and on and telling her what big girl she will be and continue to tell her who all goes potty.  I know enough not to force it.  She is still peeing in little bits and not holding it for long periods so she might not be ready.

A few seconds ago Sarah goes I smell poop. I said yes Emma just pooped in the bathroom. She goes no I think Sophie farted in her diaper. Too funny. Sophie doesn’t wear a diaper and the fact that she associated that smell with farts cracked me up too and made me realize she’s been around Justin to much.

Just as I was about to publish this Liz got called into work because her co/worker went into the ditch. The plow also just came by so I hope she makes it to work ok.

This, That, and Bows!

My sleep cycle is all messed up. It’s 4:37 am as I start this blog and I haven’t been to bed yet.  I got the chills about 8pm so I laid in bed and covered up. Had the tv on. Was watching a program with Sarah. She loves Nina and Star on the sprout channel. The next thing I knew it was almost 11pm. I didn’t even know I had fallen asleep.  Being so tired is one of my many medical problems. I promise I will blog about it but I haven’t come to terms with it all yet and I don’t have all the details.

While on the pc earlier tonight I see this big (to me it was big) furry black spider with 3 white spots on it’s ass.  Since I’ve never seen one like it before I went and got a container and with lots of screaming I finally got it in the container and once it dies I’m gonna take a pic and see if anyone knows what it is.  It’s pretty menacing and I don’t know if it’s poisonous or not.  While I don’t like spiders I can usually get them squashed with just a few squeals of terror. This one down right scared the poo outta me.

A friend of mine makes wonderful bows for children and she just put out her valentine line.  I am such a huge fan of her bows I thought I would do a bit of promoting for her.  First off I personally guarantee her craftmans ship and timly shipping. Her prices are very reasonable as is her shipping.  So here are the details and pics.

 

Over the top Valentines bows are $6 and $7 each. I have very few available.
3D heart clips are $3 for one or $5 for two - Your choice of color.
Simple Valentines bows with centers  are $5 each - Custom order only. These are double layer bows pink and white, pink and red or red and white. Your choice of clip.
Single layer medium solids. Classic or pinwheels. Your choice of color and clip are $3 each. 

Shipping is $2.75 for the first bow and 20 cents each after that. OR if you order 8 or more shipping is a flat $3.65 for 8 to 15 bows.

She also does costume made bows to order as well. I’ve sent her pics of a few shirts I wanted matching bows for and she whipped up some matching bows right up.   The above bows are NOT in her store if you would like to order a Tiny Love Creation bow please e-mail her at precioustoes@yahoo.com with bows in the subject line. Make sure to let her know Jamie sent ya.

If you would like to take a gander at her Etsy store click “here”

Her Valentines day bows are limited so order quickly.

1/14/2011

I have an appt. with my new oncologist today. I hope I like her. My old one took a leave of absence due to a death in her family.  I have to get a bunch of lab work done today when I get there. I have another UTI so going to see if they will test me for it so I can get on the meds I need. This will make number 4 or 5 since June.  Sighs…

I’ve come to realize that no matter what time I go to bed I am just not a morning person.  I’m nocturnal. Always have been and probably always will be.  I took my night meds at 8 last night in hopes of being asleep by 10.  Yeah, that didn’t happen. I think I finally dozed off about 11:30.  I woke up at 3 this morning ready to start my day. I got up went pee and then took some more meds. I laid back down and was able to get another hour in.  Of course now that it’s time to start getting ready to leave I’m ready for a nap. Go figure.  LOL

Sophie didn’t sleep well last night, which might be partly why I didn’t. Her allergies are bothering her so everything is draining down her throat when she lays down and she was coughing ALL night. Even the magic Benadryl didn’t do the trick this time.  About 3 she did get another dose of meds and that seemed to finally kick in. Waking her up this morning wasn’t easy. LOL

Last night, right before Sarah went to bed she says to me “Look at me mommy” She looked so darn cute I had to take a pic.

Believe it or not this is not a posed shot. She was adjusting her hat as I snapped the pic. 

You see that Huggies box behind Sarah? Yeah, I know how can you miss it right? LOL! Anyway….That box has been around since Sophie was a baby and she’s gonna be 9 soon.

We use it to store some xmas decorations in. As you can see it’s already to be taken to storage. Now just gotta find someone to carry it to the basement. Any takers? No? Well darn it!

I better go hope in the shower and start getting ready so I can get out of here on time. Trust me, I am NEVER on time for anything but doctor appts. and even that is pushing it.  Everyone jokes that I’ll be late for my own funeral. Hahahahaha, I can just so see something happening and me being late for that too! Ok, I’m a bit warped. Don’t judge.

Enjoy your Friday!

Operation Change

Happy Thursday to my family, friends, and fellow bloggers! I hope that your day is/has started off on the right note.

Operation Change for 2011 is officially underway! While change can and usually is a very scary thing it’s always for the best in the end.  I sat down, looked around the house and thought to myself what is it that I really want out of life? Only I can answer that question and ultimately only I can make the changes.  I’ve reflected on several things and I know what needs to be done. If I look at it everything that needs to be done as a whole I get anxious and don’t do anything about it.  So with that, I’m going to start small. Sort of like when you want to lose weight. It didn’t all come on your body over night so it’s not going to leave your body over night. You have to work to lose that weight and it’s a long process with lots of baby steps in between. 

I’m a firm believer of what you put out into the universe you’ll get back. I kept wondering why things were coming back to me in such a negative way and it hit me. A light bulb came on and I had the answer.  It’s not that I was doing bad things, it was the fact that I was so woe as me. Poor Jamie, her back hurts, she’s got cancer….blah, blah, blah.  While these things are true I don’t have to let them get me down. While we all have bad days, I don’t need to let all my days be bad. Yes I have a butt load of health problems. But why let these health problems have me. They don’t define who Jamie is, they are only a small part of me. Like an onion, you start peeling back the layers, well one layer would be my health problems but there are so many other layers filled with good, love, and hope.  You see what I mean? It’s a wonderful thing.

  Right now I’m reading two different books. Magical Housekeeping by Tess Whitehurst and Whats A Disorganized Person To Do? Both these books are part of a long process in healing myself from within. It’s a baby step in the process of Operation Change. 

Right now I take all these pills every night.

That’s just at night, I have some I take in the morning also then two I take off and on through out the day.  My hope is to be able to get off of a few of these pills. Learning some new pain management techniques and eliminating stress from life will be a huge help. So lets see where I am this time next year.

 

I have several blogs I would love to do and to be honest I have no reason why I haven’t done them yet other then just haven’t been able to keep my mind still long enough to write anything.  So be on the lookout for Christmas and Sarah’s birthday.  Of course anything in between too.

So with that I hope to blog again a lot sooner. Meanwhile, if your looking for some relaxing music take a peek at this.

What Season Is Your Soul Connected To?

Your Soul Is Connected to the Fall

You are a somewhat sensitive soul with a tough exterior. You are street smart and wise about the world. You have the heart of a poet, but you're not too eager to let anyone else see it. You are very creative and deeply talented. You are still looking for the perfect outlet for your expression. You embrace change and think the cycles of life are beautiful. You don't shrink away from the darker elements of life.

What Season is Your Soul Connected To?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

Emma

Not a good start off to the day. I’m having “issues” with Emma’s behavior. She’s acting out. I know part of it is her age and part of it are the things going on here in the house.   I punish Emma for her actions but the punishments seem to have no affect on her what so ever. 

She’s not allowed to go anywhere, she has no phone access, no computer access, she lost her tv today. The only thing I have left to take away at this point is her mp3 player. Nothing is phasing her.

She told me today to just send her away. Yeah, that will solve it all.  NOT. I’ve got to get that girl in counseling.  I’ve talked to my therapist about it and she says most of Emma’s behavior is stemming from the way Brian is treating her. Not all of course but a good part of it.  Well, I can’t wave a magic wand and turn him into the parent he needs to be.   I also think it’s kind of a cop out.  I’m a firm believer we are in control of our emotions and we choose to say and do the things we do.

In Emma’s world she doesn’t think she should have to do chores because she doesn’t get an allowance and all her friends do. Well, excuse me…I’m too friggin poor to give her an allowance.  I told her that she has a roof over head, clothes on her body and food to eat. That was her allowance.

I know she’s jealous because all her friends go out and do things while we never do anything. There just isn’t much to do around her for free, and even if it is free it takes gas to get there.   I hate that we can’t go out and do things but right now there isn’t anything I can do about it.  The last thing we did together was go see Eclipse on the 4th of July.  We were not able to go to the pool one single time this year because it costs to much to get in.  You look at the price of 3 bucks and think well that’s nothing. But you add 3 times 5 and then the cost of gas to get there and back and it’s just simply to much.

Anyway…what set this morning off was the fact that I asked Emma to put the laundry in the dryer last night. She said she did it. Well, guess what? She didn’t. Her winter coat was in there. Something Sophie needed for school was in there.  It just made me so angry she would lie and then laugh and say oh well I didn’t hear you. Excuse me? You didn’t hear me? Bullshit. You told me you did it.  Grrrrr…… I can’t get anyone in this house to do much of anything and I’m fed up.

Yes I look “fine” but trust me I am far from fine. I’m in more pain then I have ever been in my life. I try and not complain about it to much. If I say I hurt then the pain is worse then normal.  Simple things send my back into spasms or brings on the pain so much that it takes my breath away.  I have multiple things wrong with me and I down play it when I tell people whats going on with me health wise. I hate sympathy and I just don’t handle it well.  I’m a very proud person and I don’t want people to think I’m weak.  So when I reach out and ask for help you have no idea the inner battle I’ve had to go through to do that. But this isn’t about me this is about Emma.  She’s gonna be 13 in April and I’m honestly at a loss at what I should do with her.  Any ideas would be wonderful.  I can’t ground her forever but at the same time I’ll be damned if I’m gonna reward her for bad behavior.

Note from the Universe

My note from the universe really hit home today. I love how they send the same one to everyone. But we interpret differently.  Here is what it says today.

Yeah, Jamie, I know it seems that your emotions arise from circumstances, even though it works the other way around. And this is kind of scary because sometimes they literally seem to overrun you.
But I also know that most of the time they don't, which is all the leverage you need.
Just feel good when you can; it'll always be enough.
Can you feel me, now?
    The Universe                                                           The game is rigged in your favor, Jamie.

I am forever saying if I were not surrounded by negativity then things would be better. But this hits it on the head. It’s what I do with that negativity that is around me.  I don’t have to let it affect me.  I have the power to block it out. After all they are not my emotions, they are someone else's.  Why should how a person feels, or sees a situation affect the way I see it ? It shouldn’t. I am who I am, I see, feel, experience things in way that is unique to me. No reason to take someone else's emotions and turn them into my own.  Thank you for today’s note Universe!!!! YOU ROCK!

Changes

A friend sent me this today and it really made me giggle. So I thought I would share it with you. I hope you get a good giggle out if.   I can so see my cat getting on the pc and selling the dogs. 

So I have a confession of sorts. A lot of you already know this about me but some of you will be shocked. Or maybe not so shocked.  I’m coming out of the broom closet so to speak.

I’m Pagan, Wiccan, whatever label you want to give it. Me, I don’t like to give myself labels. I am what I am.  All my life I’ve been this way.  But for fear of being persecuted and judged I’ve kept it on the down low.  I’ve told a select few and others I’m sure just know because of the things I’m in to.  In most cases I’ve been accepted for my beliefs but it seems when it really matters the most I’ve been judged and ridiculed.

No I don’t sacrifice animals.  No I don’t align myself with the Devil. In fact I don’t even believe in the traditional “Hell”.  I worship a God and a Goddess. I teach my children the ways of the old path.  When they are older they can choose their own religion and do as they will.  I don’t judge anyone for their religion or lack of religion. To each their own is my policy. I’m a firm believer in Karma and what you put out there you get back in your life 3fold good and bad.

With the new year here I want to live my life for me. I don’t want to have to hide something about myself for fear of someone else thinking I am evil. I am who I am and if you don’t like me then that’s on you. 

All my life I’ve always been the “fixer” always trying to make other people happy and at my own expense. It’s time for me to make me happy.  Yes it’s going to involve a lot of changes but change can be good.  This is going to be the year of JAMIE. I’m going to start making time for me. I’m trapped in this house 24/7 and it’s time for that to end. I’m going to try some natural remedies and try and get my health back. I’ve tried the doctor route and it’s not working. 

I want to get back into reading my tarot and ruins.  So everyone be prepared for a slowly evolving new me!

Frustration

It’s been a frustrating morning.  I had to fill out paperwork to get Emma on State Health insurance.  A little background. Emma’s biological father committed suicide several years ago. She never got the chance to know him, which was his choice.  That in it’s self is a long story.  So Brian stepped in as a father figure when Emma was 8 months old. He’s the only father she’s ever known. Over the last few months he’s decided he doesn’t want to be in that role anymore.  Hence me having to have her on state insurance. He said it’s not his responsibility to provide her with health care that it is her biological father’s. Since he’s dead then the state has to pay. 

How someone can turn their back on a child like that is just beyond me.  Emma will be 13 in April, she’s lost her biological father and now she’s lost the one who stepped in all those years ago. He’s made it clear to her also he is not her father.  I just can’t wrap my head around how you can do that.  I have to wonder if when his own children reach a certain age if he won’t do the same thing. 

I’ve been wanting to blog about so much for so long but was afraid of drama. So instead I’ve just not blogged at all.  Well, very little compared to what I used to.  I’m to the point I just don’t care anymore.  If you don’t' believe then fine that’s on you.  I would have no reason to say it, if it were not true.  All you have to do is ask the children who hear the things he says.

It’s been tearing me up inside to see him treat Emma this way.  She has shed so many tears over this.  Which just kills me. If you knew Emma you would know what a sensitive loving person she is. 

I wrote this blog, not so everyone can bash Brian but for advice on how to handle this.  I see it affecting her in a negative way. She is longing for that attention and going about it the wrong way.  That again is for another blog.  I considered putting her in therapy but I fear that will open up a whole can of worms that I’m not prepared to deal with.  Those that know what all has been going on will understand what I mean by that.

So I end this blog with a freebie. It’s an Air Pressure Check Kit. Just click “HERE” to go register for your free kit.

Patience

I ran across this graphic and just had to giggle. It is so me. I have never had much patience.  When I want something done I want it done NOW! I hate having to wait for people to make up their minds, or docs to get back to you about test results so on and so forth.  I know the saying good things come to those who wait. However, I just can’t seem to be patient. Just ask my family. LOL

That is something I’m going to work on this year.  I don’t make New Year resolutions because in the past I’ve never stuck to them. So this is just going to be a work in progress for myself. There are several things I am wanting to change in my life but one step at a time.

I’m going to work on being a bit more positive in my life. Letting go of the negativity that surrounds me. Just because someone in my life is full of negativity doesn’t mean I have to be. I will no longer allow another persons emotions to affect me. Those are their emotions not mine.

So tell me, what are you wanting to change in 2011?