Emma

Not a good start off to the day. I’m having “issues” with Emma’s behavior. She’s acting out. I know part of it is her age and part of it are the things going on here in the house.   I punish Emma for her actions but the punishments seem to have no affect on her what so ever. 

She’s not allowed to go anywhere, she has no phone access, no computer access, she lost her tv today. The only thing I have left to take away at this point is her mp3 player. Nothing is phasing her.

She told me today to just send her away. Yeah, that will solve it all.  NOT. I’ve got to get that girl in counseling.  I’ve talked to my therapist about it and she says most of Emma’s behavior is stemming from the way Brian is treating her. Not all of course but a good part of it.  Well, I can’t wave a magic wand and turn him into the parent he needs to be.   I also think it’s kind of a cop out.  I’m a firm believer we are in control of our emotions and we choose to say and do the things we do.

In Emma’s world she doesn’t think she should have to do chores because she doesn’t get an allowance and all her friends do. Well, excuse me…I’m too friggin poor to give her an allowance.  I told her that she has a roof over head, clothes on her body and food to eat. That was her allowance.

I know she’s jealous because all her friends go out and do things while we never do anything. There just isn’t much to do around her for free, and even if it is free it takes gas to get there.   I hate that we can’t go out and do things but right now there isn’t anything I can do about it.  The last thing we did together was go see Eclipse on the 4th of July.  We were not able to go to the pool one single time this year because it costs to much to get in.  You look at the price of 3 bucks and think well that’s nothing. But you add 3 times 5 and then the cost of gas to get there and back and it’s just simply to much.

Anyway…what set this morning off was the fact that I asked Emma to put the laundry in the dryer last night. She said she did it. Well, guess what? She didn’t. Her winter coat was in there. Something Sophie needed for school was in there.  It just made me so angry she would lie and then laugh and say oh well I didn’t hear you. Excuse me? You didn’t hear me? Bullshit. You told me you did it.  Grrrrr…… I can’t get anyone in this house to do much of anything and I’m fed up.

Yes I look “fine” but trust me I am far from fine. I’m in more pain then I have ever been in my life. I try and not complain about it to much. If I say I hurt then the pain is worse then normal.  Simple things send my back into spasms or brings on the pain so much that it takes my breath away.  I have multiple things wrong with me and I down play it when I tell people whats going on with me health wise. I hate sympathy and I just don’t handle it well.  I’m a very proud person and I don’t want people to think I’m weak.  So when I reach out and ask for help you have no idea the inner battle I’ve had to go through to do that. But this isn’t about me this is about Emma.  She’s gonna be 13 in April and I’m honestly at a loss at what I should do with her.  Any ideas would be wonderful.  I can’t ground her forever but at the same time I’ll be damned if I’m gonna reward her for bad behavior.