Life as you know it

Life. You know the saying “Life is what you make it, always has been, always will be” I wonder how true that statement really is. Sure we have a certain amount of control over our lives. But what happens when bad things keep happening to good people?

I try to live my life the best I can. But in spite of it all I am miserable.  My health is not the best, I’m in pain 24/7. Sometimes the pain is so bad that it makes it hard to breath and I break out in a sweat.

Every time I turn around I am getting diagnosed with something new. Well, damn it I’m tired of it. I’m 39 and I want my life back. I want to be able to walk around the mall, to go to the park with the kids. I want to feel human again.

Over the past few months the pain has escalated to an all time high.  I can’t sit for long, I can’t stand for long, I can’t lay for long. I’m a mess. Now they say I have the very beginning of kidney disease. WTF, really? Yeah, lets add that to everything else.  I am also in the early stages of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Yay me~ NOT! My health pisses me off.  Why isn’t there a miracle drug out there that I can take and boom I can function again like a normal person?

Lucky for me, ( I guess) that the pain has gotten so bad I’ve FINALLY after 8yrs have been referred to a pain specialist. Who in return referred me to a pain physiologist.

I was really pissed when he first referred me to her. But as time went on and I got closer to my appt I realize how much I needed to see her. To have someone to talk to and for once have it be all about me. 

My first appt came and I arrived 30minutes early. Now for those of you that know me personally know that I am late for everything.  Everyone jokes that I would be late to my own funeral. So she comes out and gets me early and we ended up having an hour in a half session.  She is very likable and I connected with her from the second she introduced herself to me.  She didn’t even have to ask me to talk I just started opening up and spewing forth all this information.

I’ve had a really rough life. I know what your thinking who hasn’t. But if I told you everything I’ve been through you would be like oh shit, she HAS had it rough. Do I tell you this for sympathy. No, in fact I hate sympathy I don’t handle it well for some reason.

So back to my appt. she suggest that at some point in my therapy that we try some hypnosis. Right away  I said no. I not only said no I was like hell no. She said ok, can I ask you why? I told her no way no how was I giving up control like that.

She smiled and said it’s not like what you see on tv and that she thought it would really gap the bridge to my process in healing and feeling better.  She gave me a website to look at so I can get some more info into what she does. She said she wasn’t going to push hypnosis but at the same time she was going to suggest it again down the road. Here is the site she gave me. www.asch.net

She’s a very busy woman and my next appt isn’t until Dec. so I have a while to think on it. One moment I’m like YES, we will do it. Then the next I’m like no, there are things I have blocked and I don’t want to remember them.  All that is for another blog.

So now that I’ve ranted about random shit and it’s been all about ME I kinda feel a bit better.  I just might do this more often but I fear if I did I would lose all my readers. LOL

Anyway….it’s after 1 in the morning and I have to pee again for the 4th time in 30 minutes. Yep, getting another bladder infection.  So I’ll end this….for now anyway. ;)