Oh my ….Kidney’s

Today is turning out to not be a good day.  I woke up this morning in pain. Ok, that in it’s self is not new. But today I can feel the pain in my kidney’s. Which really concerns me.

When the doc first told me he thought my kidneys weren’t doing so good. I went straight to the internet and looked up signs of problems with your kidney’s. I thought well, surly they are wrong as “I” don’t have any of those signs.

It’s been about two weeks give or take a few days since I was told and looked up the info. When you already have back pain kidney pain on top of it isn’t exactly comfortable. Then in my paranoid mind I think only the worse. Sighs….

Today I can’t get Sophie to do her chores. Ok, lets face it. I can’t get Sophie to do her chores any day.  She is a very stubborn 8yr old and her father has got her to the point that she knows that if she crys or lets it go long enough it will get done.  I could kick his butt for that. But no matter what I have said he kept doing things for her.  So now I can’t get her to do anything cause she’s gonna tell her Dad and he of course won’t make her do a darn thing.  Then I get yelled at because she’s only 8 what should I expect. Ummm…well picking up the toys out of the living room I don’t think is to much to ask of an 8yr old. Heck Sarah is 2 and she’s better at picking up then Sophie.

I’m feeling pretty stressed and I just wanna go take a nap because my meds make me sleepy. Going to take a nap isn’t an option at the moment.  I really need a xanax and I know if I take one I’m gonna be even sleepier.  I just can’t win.

I have a few blogs I wanna write about my health, my new therapy, just life in general.  Blogging for me is my form of relaxation but I’m so stressed that I have a hard time forming my thoughts well enough to put them out there. Thats why sometimes you will see several blogs in a day and then go a few days with nothing.  I write as my mind lets me. 

I’ve gotten to the point that I can’t even mediate. But thats for another blog.